I’ve talked to my fair share of men online. I’ve swam through the rough waters of plenty of fish, I’ve prowled Craigslist like an alley cat on the hunt for a piece of tail. I’ve put myself out there on A Submissives Journey and CollarMe, and three times now I’ve come back to Fetlife.
In all of those relationships there have been some common themes. They never last, and something always happens to to give me an excuse to push myself away.
Then I lie and say that I did things I didn’t. I go on another hunt for someone else because the first one didn’t quite meet my needs or because I tell myself it just won’t work.
Looking back I can see that for what it was…immaturity and a critical lack of communication.
When I found myself back here, I knew I didn’t want to get to that place again. I don’t want to fake submission, I don’t want this to be another thing in my life I regret not giving everything I have.
So there I was, prowling Fetlife personals when my mind wandered back to a Dom who has checked in with me off and on for the last three years. I’m so used to hunting that I didn’t immediately return to old contacts, I just went searching for new ones.
I sent him a message, and this time when he responded I didn’t throw him some empty one liner. Fetlife messages turned into emails and I was slowly pulled towards him.
Intelligent, articulate, and thoughtful Doms are more rare than I’d like to believe. To find someone who was insistent on knowing me, my thoughts, my kinks, and my faults felt good.
I copped to hunting for men to scratch unfulfilled itches. I admitted that I lie and self sabotage, and that I am bad at communicating sometimes.
Up until that point I was interested, sort of… He was nice, but it felt a little too nice at times. It wasn’t until he pushed to understand the triggers that sent me off into that bad behaviour that he really captured my attention.
The thing I love about Daddy Dom’s is the investment level, the interest they take in a subs health and well being, their mind and their heart. I’m not saying that other Dom’s don’t, just that in my experience there is a level of care that comes from a Daddy that I haven’t found anywhere else.
He asked hard questions, he had some amazing insights into my experiences and my thoughts. He captured my attention in a way no one else has….at least not in a very long time.
Offering the kind of power exchange that seemed to make others uncomfortable, he effortlessly pulled me into his world and with each email made me desperately wanting more.
He told me he expected an investment from me of 110%, because with anything less…why bother.. and before I knew it I was walking away from something else that didn’t quite measure up, because what he offered was so much sweeter.
So here I am, standing at the door to a whole new world. Looking out into this exciting and frightening wilderness that until now has mainly been in my dreams and stories.
The beautiful thing is that this Dom isn’t out there waiting for me. He’s standing a few steps behind, letting me wander out ahead into the jungle to explore all the things my heart has been craving…
All the while he’s acting as the anchor that keeps me from drifting out too far. He is the roots that keep me grounded as I reach for the sky, and that North Star on the darkest night that leads me back home.
I’m looking forward to the new me he will help to create. I am looking forward to embracing my submission in ways I’ve only ever dreamed, and I hope you will follow me on my journey.