The past few months have been a real eye opener for me. Since parting ways with my Dom/vanilla bf, I have found myself in a very interesting position. I’ve come to the conclusion that I want to keep the BDSM side of my life, and that I eventually want a real life relationship that will encourage both my vanilla and my sub side. The difficulty then becomes how does one go about finding it…..
I’m sure a bunch of you will have read some of my experiences with other Dom’s. I’ve had my fair share of the ‘online’ Dom, the ‘I’m single-but’ Dom, and the every popular ‘I’m totally dominant, I had a girlfriend who liked me to spank her’ Dom. These guys aren’t for me, and if you’re out there looking for something real, these guys aren’t for you. I was so afraid to step out into the ‘community’. I was petrified that I would be found out, that someone in my every day life would see me and ‘out’ me so to speak. I’ve avoided munches and group events for years thinking that it would disgust the people around me and ruin my career…… And then I just fucking did it.
Three months ago I took a chance and found some local events on Fetlife, the Facebook of the kinky side. I went out to an event called Rascals, and since that day, that moment I stepped through those doors and saw people like me, enjoying what I do with no shame and no guilt, I have been glad that I did.
I went afraid that I would be found out, and realized very quickly that everyone takes their privacy very seriously. You aren’t even allowed to be seen with your phone, they aren’t allowed on the premise. I went afraid that in not knowing anyone I would be shunned and ignored, in fact I was passed from one person to the next and introduced to nearly everyone within moments of arriving.
I’ve made a few faux pas since moving out into this world, some because I didn’t know better, others because I was afraid of being alone, and what that would mean to me and others. In the end though, it’s been a great experience. I’ve met some amazing people and for the first time in a long time I’m becoming more comfortable in my own skin. I’ve even got a chance to write for FetVancouver. Life is starting to come along.
So to all of you too afraid to step out from behind your screens, suck it up buttercup. There is a big ol’ kinky world waiting for you, and yes we are all just as fucked up and scared as you.