Contracts and Condoms

That one word that seems to transform the excitement and thrill of submission into a cold, emotionless business agreement. Right?

So many people don’t use condoms because it ‘takes away’ from the moment. Who wants to take the time to pull out of the moment, and put on that layer of protection. It’s often awkward and uncomfortable as you separate yourself from your lover and take the time to protect yourself. Contracts are BDSM’s equivalent to condoms for so many in our world.

Well I’d like to challenge you to change the way you think about contracts. Yes getting together and working through your boundaries and putting it down on paper can be tedious, uncomfortable and some times ‘mood killing’, but it is a critical part of the life we lead.

How can your Dom truly know what you want if you don’t clearly lay out what is acceptable and what is not acceptable for you in your submission? How can you know exactly the place you hold in his or her life if you do not lay out the ground work? How are you to feel secure when you are gagged and bound at their feet, if you have not discussed it all beforehand?

To me a contract is a security blanket, it lets me know who I am to my Dom and what position I play, and for how long I can be sure of holding that place in his life. It sounds silly, but that is such a critical part of my safety.

When we sat down to discuss our agreement, we both came to the table with our lists of what we wanted, what we needed and what we were willing to offer. There were some things on my list that he was not comfortable with, and one or two that we negotiated that night. At the end we had an agreement, verbal, but set in place for both of us.

Now as our D/s has evolved, so has this agreement. Limits have changed, time lines have moved throughout the year. Yet, in the end the contract is there to protect both my Dom and I in the event that something happens.

For us it is critical given the nature of our vanilla relationship that something be in place to protect my Dom should something happen. If I was in a car accident how would we go about explaining the marks beneath my clothing, the bite marks on my breasts and the bruises along my backside?

I don’t want anyone to question him and accuse him of abusing me, because for me there is a very big difference between what I ask of him and what an abuser would do. In everything we do I have a choice, and today that choice means I give him everything.

Protect yourself, protect your Dom and protect your relationship…..Ask for a contract, then Google it and find something that works for you.

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