Sometimes I think I’m in too deep.
Like when he looks at me and says, “Are you scared of me?”. I know what he means, and I know that out is only a six letter safe word away.
I always tell him part of the truth, that no I’m not afraid of him, but at the same time I leave out so much.
Like, “I’m more afraid of what you have come to mean to me,” and “I’m afraid of what I will do when this is over.”
I know that day isn’t tomorrow. I have till the very least the spring equinox. Probably a lot longer after that, but the thought stays with me.
I thought I could do this without getting too involved, I don’t think that is a reality any longer.