Are we all wired a little differently

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I would be lying if I told you that I am your average woman. I’m not consumed with thoughts of some future wedding. I am not desperate for a ten carat engagement ring.

Unlike so many women I know, my desire to belong to someone manifests its self in a much more primal fashion.

I have battled with this side of me for a great many years, and in all honesty, I am still struggling with it. How am I to navigate the world along side women so completely different from me?

The 22 year old that I work with spent all of last year planning and executing an elaborate wedding, she was so obsessed by this I struggled to feign interest. Desperate to out shine her sister, her friends and her cousins in everything from the size and sparkle of her rings (because an engagement ring and wedding band were not enough, she is also wearing the 5 year anniversary ring), to the place settings and venue, she would never be able to fathom what I seek out of a partnership.

Her white gold rings glitter and sparkle, a visible, well known sign of the position she holds in this life; while the silver and amber amulet that hangs around my neck can never be known for the meaning it holds. Mine is no less significant, to me it means so much more; this is a symbol that I have given my body, mind, soul and will to another. Every day we function knowing that we must trust, care for, and work to keep our place in life, because one word from eiother of us could be the end, because of this we value it, and don’t take the relationship for granted.

So when some one leans in to exclaim,”What a beautiful necklace,” I smile with fond memories and reply with a somewhat flushed, “Thank you, it is very special to me.”

When my Doms daughter asks from her place in the back seat with my dog, “I wonder what it’s like to wear a collar,” I am forced to choke back my embarrassment as I reply demurely, “I think it would be a lot like wearing a necklace all the time,” as I finger the weight around my neck, and avoid his knowing smile.

When most women are sharing their stories of babies and honeymoons, my fingers reach up to brush across the nearly unrecognizable bite marks on my forearms, shoulders, or the back of my neck and I shiver in excitement.

When the women I know giggle and whisper about long, soft, lingering lovemaking, I smile and nod; silently praying that tonight will be the night he ties me down and marks my ass with his cane. They talk of feathers and chocolate dipped strawberries while I dream of long lengths of rope and dark purple bruises.

Am I crazy for loving the heat that is left behind when his leather belt dances across my ass? Is the fact that I get so much pleasure from feeling that lingering pain when he leaves bruises on my backside? Would most people cringe at the secret name I call him in the heat of my passion?

Probably. Definitely.

To me a critical part my submission is knowing my Dom does not judge me for being a little, or very different. The difficulty is finding the balance between my masochism and his desire never to abuse me.

It’s important to me that I am accepted for who I am, however fucked up the world might find me. I’d like to think that I won’t be judged, but lets face it, that wicked beast called human nature won’t let us let go of what we label as, the norm.

So to the subs, slaves, littles, pets, sadists, masochists and any other twisted blend of being; others may label us sick, perverted, deviant or weird, but I say God, in whatever form he/she takes, just wired us a little differently.

10 thoughts on “Are we all wired a little differently

  1. writingthebody says:

    What is good is that you have found him. You can lead that life together – that helps a lot I think. But yes we live a double life, I feel it too, as shame, pain, and deception. Yes I feel that we are wired differently – in fact I feel like I am almost one possessed. But not quite…well not usually! ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. writingthebody says:

    Yes, there is a demon within, but at least we can do what you just said, shake our heads at it, say what on earth are we doing? What is the matter with us? Oh my goodness, yes, I do understand!

  3. phoenixasubbie says:

    Wish I could double like. Totally agree w/kitten. Good read

  4. loneyheart says:

    We are all wired differently, and in glorious ways. It helps knowing that we are not alone in our desires and predilictions. that there are others out there who are wired as beautifuly as we are. Not in the normal way but in the way that brings extra spark to life. I myslef and very sparkey

  5. cjriordan says:

    Beautiful post. You utter truth here, both about yourself and your relationship and I think you would be surprised to know how many resonate with that truth. The only label that matters is the one you place on yourself. As long as it is true and loving, you can’t go wrong! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    (and no, you’re not alone. I don’t dream of strawberries dipped in chocolate so much as hot, molten chocolate poured on my most sensitive parts. hee hee)

  6. sub4dominantman says:

    Hello! I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts and insight. I’m new to WordPress, and just read through your posts today. I have to tell you, I agree with you 100%, submission really comes down to trust-that is the bottom line (no pun intended…)
    Reading what you’ve said has led me to further evaluate the current situation with my marriage….so it means a lot to me; more than you know.
    Thanks again!!

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